Helping Hand

Max Johnson, anti-cyclist contributor

I thought it might be helpful if some of you cyclists had a way out. A helping hand if you will, a place to turn, a way-out of your cycling ways. This “way-out” isn’t to cross enemy lines and become an anti-cyclist, but more of a way to become a grownup.

I’m guessing some of the reason you ride your bicycle everywhere is because you are conscience of your carbon footprint, your independence from “big oil”, or maybe it’s as simple as you just wanna be a pain in the ass. Either way here are a couple of helpful links to get you off of two wheels and into four.

http://karma.fiskerautomotive.com/pages/karma

http://www.chevrolet.com/pages/open/default/future/volt.do

http://www.teslamotors.com/

Great! That car fits you well, and your abiding by most of our traffic laws, nice stopping at those STOP signs, I’m proud of you, but you miss all that pedaling don’t you? well,not a problem turn your road bike into an exercise bike.

http://www.kurtkinetic.com/

I am really proud of you, you deserve a beer, but not a trendy ale or a belgian style wheat, have a Bud.

http://www.budweiser.com/public/agecheck.aspx?ReturnUrl=%2fdefault.aspx

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  1. brian.R says:

    I’d love a tesla roadster for performance reasons, not because I’ve been made to feel guilty about my so-called “carbon footprint” by al gore but because they frickin sweet.

    I also might use it to sneak up on and scare a pack of cyclists. Oh wait, someone already beat me to that!

  2. Alex says:

    I love how blatantly hateful this post is. I’m not a cyclist by any stretch of the imagination but this post is just completely repugnant.

    I can’t tell you how pissed off I get on the road driving to work everyday and usually, cyclists have nothing to do with it (I’m on the freeway most of the time). People almost run into my car, merge into me, don’t let me over and go 40 in the fast lane (in a 60 zone, mind you). I’m practically shaking by the time I get home/work I’m so frustrated and angry. If I could get rid of that stress by living closer to where I work and riding a bike or taking the bus, I would gladly change my ways but for now, since I live about 40 minutes away from my work, I don’t foresee me taking any other mode of transportation.

    And why buy a new car if you don’t have to and be tied down to making a monthly payment every month on top of all the fees that go along with a new car? (Also, last time I checked, buying a new car jacks up your insurance so that is another thing to look forward to). And then you include the cost of an exercise bike?! We need more fresh air! We don’t get outside enough and I can say that with complete confidence. We’ve lost touch with the outside world and have become completely disconnected with it and you’re recommending an exercise bike?! I’m not saying that you have to bike to appreciate the outdoors. Take a hike! Go for a walk! Go fishing! DO SOMETHING! Don’t stay inside exercising, watching your favorite soap opera and drinking some Bud. Because, you know, you’re not a REAL MAN unless you drink BUDWEISER!

    Your post is actually kind of funny and actually made me laugh. It’s laced with a lot more than cyclist hate. You are obviously angry at a lot of other things in this post besides cyclists. So let’s just remember what site we are on, okay? (Especially since you seem to be one of the “higher ups”, I’m surprised that you felt the need to post this).

    http://ihatealgore.com/ (that’s for you, Brian….)

    I know that you’re the administrator of this site Max but try to consider what you post next time, cause this just really hurt your “cause”. BTW……BUDWEISER IS A REAL MAAAAAAAAAAANNNNSSS DRINK. *crushes can on forehead*. Until next time ;)

  3. Max J. says:

    Alex-

    With the holidays fast approaching I would like to let you know something that I’m thankful for, that you’re not my editor at AntiCyclit.com. With that being said I’m glad I was able to evoke such feeling.

    Let me introduce you to some words that I incorporate into my daily life :

    : sar·casm 1 : a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain
    2 a : a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b : the use or language of sarcasm
    synonyms see wit

    jest 1 : an utterance (as a jeer or quip) intended to be taken as mockery or humor
    2 a : prank b : a ludicrous circumstance or incident
    3 a : a frivolous mood or manner b : gaiety and merriment
    synonyms see fun

    sat·ire 1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
    2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly
    synonyms see wit

    While I’m glad you stopped by the site, don’t take things so serious, life is too short. .Also hate is a pretty strong word, I prefer strongly dislike.

    Wait, what website am I at?

    Lastly, did I strike a nerve with the whole beer thing?

    Regards
    Max

  4. Alex says:

    Well that’s funny that this one article is intended to be a joke because it fits perfectly with everything else on this site. So this whole site is a joke? Well, I do hope so but I wouldn’t count on it. If it is, jokes on me. Good one. I applaud you. I didn’t have faith enough in the general populous to not give a shit about something as stupid and unimportant as cyclists. Haha.

    But answer me this: You do want cyclists off the road, right? How is this article a joke (besides the beer part according to you)? You didn’t even address what I was talking about in terms of getting a car, exercise bike, etc., you just went straight for the “me having a problem with Budweiser” comment. (Btw, don’t have a problem with Budweiser. It’s vegan! Good for you for making some good decisions. Couldn’t help but notice they are your sponsor too! I’m sure there is no connection there…) How else would you propose we get cyclists off the road besides the ideas highlighted in the article? Mass genocide?

  5. Max J. says:

    It seems to me the site is a pretty good mix, educational, seriousness, and some satire.

    The “general populous” has many pro cyclist websites, are they “stupid and unimportant”? Or just this one? You seem like a reasonable person Alex, why are you being so closed minded to views that may differ from yours?

    If I want to sit and watch soap operas all day, how is that affecting you? If I’m watching T.V. I’m not almost running into you, merging into you, and not letting you go over 40MPH. Also wouldn’t moving closer to your work place actually mean becoming les connected from the outside. Using your reasoning, you should roll down the window, and enjoy the fresh air. Not take the easy way out, and just move.

    I know cyclists aren’t going anywhere, what I would like to see is the majority of them start following the rules. You stated that people should “ appreciate the outdoors”, what better way for a cyclist to do this than on one of our thousands of trails? Instead they ride two or three wide on a road that’s just wide enough for two tax paying automobiles, disobey traffic lights and signs, and show a blatant disrespect for pedestrians. Those are the things I have a problem with.

    Do I want a car payment? NO. Do I want to pay insurance? NO. Do I want to pay for licensing fees? NO. But that’s life. Let’s not forget if we didn’t pay some of those fees, our infrastructure would be in worse shape than it is already. It’s bad, just ask a cyclist, they cant tell you all about the potholes and the damage they can do. They even post pictures on websites, and demand something be done about the poor road conditions.. Seems a bit Ironic, doesn’t it?

    “Mass genocide” I hope this was you shot at sarcasm. (Not sure it was all that funny)

  6. Alex says:

    “The “general populous” has many pro cyclist websites, are they “stupid and unimportant”?” – Yes. Just like a community about knitting sweaters for your cat. Stupid and unimportant.

    As for the close minded statement, we could argue about the relevance of that statement all day. You’re not accepting mine or the cyclists’ opinions as valid, so you’re just as “close-minded” as me. The fact that someone posses a question to someone’s point of view about anything doesn’t make them close minded, it makes them curious as to see how another person could come to that conclusion (and if you come up with a good enough point, you might even be able to change someone else’s opinion!). That’s not being close minded, that’s just being curious.

    Moving closer to work would allow me more of a connection to the outside world, whether that be walking to work or riding a bike to work. Seems like that would be more of a connection with the world around me than sitting in traffic on the unappealing freeway surrounded by people who are just as irritated as I am that they are stuck in traffic with nothing to look at except for the backend of a semi (and most of them take it out on other drivers by driving like complete jackasses).

    As for the whole paragraph about how you think all cyclists act on the road, I could just as easily say the exact same thing about cars.

    “I know cars aren’t going anywhere, what I would like to see is the majority of them start following the rules.”

    “Instead they ride two or three wide on a road that’s just wide enough for two tax paying automobiles, disobey traffic lights and signs, and show a blatant disrespect for pedestrians.” I could say these things for the majority of the commuters I encounter everyday.

    I don’t think it’s cyclists you have a problem with, to be honest. I think it’s self important people who think the world revolves around them and who couldn’t care less about the people around them. You give an asshole a bicycle, he’s going to be an asshole. You give that same asshole a car, still an asshole (except now he has the capacity to kill a couple of people because he can’t wake up 10 minutes earlier and get to work on time).

    Not to sound rude or anything but I hope you know how taxes work. We all pay a collective tax to the state (and federal) government in everyday purchases. Since we’re talking about local issues though (potholes, conditions of the road, etc.), let’s keep it to our state budget. Everyone pays a collective tax to the state on anything they buy. The tax on your new computer is going to the state, not to a special computer fund. The registration you pay for your car isn’t going directly to the maintenance of the roads, it goes to whatever state the DMV that you’re at is in. Then the state gets to decide how that lump sum they receive gets split up, whether it is to some new park, to public schools or to the roads. So explain how the tax argument is relative.

    And yeah, that “mass genocide” thing was sarcasm. Funny how the tyrant of sarcasm didn’t catch onto that. (<—-also meant to be a joke).

  7. Max J. says:

    You’re right, not every dime of the aforementioned fees goes directly to “(potholes, conditions of the road, etc.)”

    So take a look at this, and help me through it…..
    http://www.dot.state.mn.us/about/pdfs/TranspFunding.pdf

    I don’t claim to be the most understanding of our tax system, so if I’m getting this right 21% of the funding came from the “Motor Vehicle Registration Tax”, 28% from “State Fuel Tax”, and 8% came from “Motor Vehicle Sales Tax”. Over half of the state of Minnesota’s transportation budget comes from buying, owning,and driving automobiles. It seems to me with out those pieces of the pie, the budget gets quit a bit smaller….

    You also tell me that……
    “The registration you pay for your car isn’t going directly to the maintenance of the roads, it goes to whatever state the DMV that you’re at is in.” Not true in the state of Minnesota! “Fiscal year 2008 was the first year of a five-year phase-in of the motor vehicle sales tax, of which 100 percent will be directed to transportation by 2012.”

    So you tell me…. how is the tax thing not relative?

    I used Minnesota for an example, and maybe other states are just that much different, but in the land of 10,000 potholes I’m glad we’re not counting on revenue generated by cyclists.

  8. Alex says:

    Okay, I’m still pretty lost on one aspect of this whole argument. How do cyclists cause potholes? Let alone any other damage to the road. Let’s do the math here:

    cyclist = roughly 200 pounds

    cars + people in them = at minimum over 4,000 pounds.

    Roughly 20 cyclists would have to go over a weak point in the road AT THE SAME TIME to equal the equivalent of a single car going over the same spot once to cause a pothole. Still can’t see how a cyclist can cause –so much damage to the roads– and have to pay for the cars that are actually causing the damage.

    Even so, cyclists still pay taxes for the roads because they usually, in fact, have jobs (how do you think they can afford that $2,000 bike? With candy canes and smiles?).

    And chances are, if there were less cars on the road, there would be *gasp* less damage to the roads themselves. Hence, less money would go to maintain the roads because they wouldn’t have to be fixed as often. Farfetched?

    And, just a shot in the dark, but I couldn’t help but wonder if you are from Minnesota.

  9. Max J. says:

    It was never stated that bicycles are responsible for potholes, merely that they are some of the first to complain about poor road conditions. Poor road conditions are then paid for by motorists.(But as you pointed out, not entirely.)

    You’re right again… cyclist pay a sales tax for that $2000 bike, but what percent of that goes towards bike lanes, bike paths, or general road maintenance? I would venture to say none.

    The point of all this….they have all the rights, and none of the responsibilities.

  10. Alex says:

    In what way do they not take responsibility? They still pay taxes for the public roads that they ride on. They have all the responsibilities of motorists (except they don’t pay extra for a car they obviously don’t need). They get tickets for doing stupid things and they are treated as a vehicle in the eyes of the law (when a cyclist runs a red light, they have to pay the same ticket that a motorist does). So responsibility my ass. Just because they don’t contribute to the grossly bloated car industry doesn’t mean they aren’t responsible for upholding the laws of the road or maintaining them through tax dollars taken from their paychecks and ANYTHING that they buy. And the fact that they DONT cause all that damage to the roads and cars DO just proves that cars should pay more to maintain the roads. Is that too farfetched of a concept? I’m pretty sure this is all common sense kind of stuff. They complain about the maintenance of -public- roads because, in fact, they ARE the working public and have every right to complain because they contribute to the state/county/federal fund.

    So according to your argument about motorists paying roughly 57% of the bill that goes to maintaining the roads, this expense is justified because cyclists cause minimal, if any, damage to the roads. Why should they have to pay for the damages caused by us careless motorists? Well, in any case, they do because someone has to pay that other 43%, right? Still missing the logic of your argument….

  11. Max J. says:

    Alex- I don’t want to sound rude, but you really never said, sorry Max I guess you know a little bit more about how the whole tax thing works than I gave you credit for…..

    What I was stating with the 57% was with out a doubt that money was coming from motorists. Take another look at he chart, and tell me how you’re coming up with the 43%-the most you could come up with is 24% and that would be quit generous.

    How much does it cost if you run a stop sign?

    Do you have a stop sign in your area, that 99% of the cars don’t stop?

    http://www.anticyclist.com/2009/09/22/park-police-crackdown-on-law-breaking-bicyclists/

    I’m taking liberty here but I have a feeling that fee seems to be less if you’re riding a bicycle.

  12. Alex says:

    Judging by what you were saying about motorists paying 57% of taxes that were going to the road in your first statement, I did a little simple math and came up with the 43%.I cant open PDFs on my computer so I was unable to look at the charts. SORRY!

    “but you really never said, sorry Max I guess you know a little bit more about how the whole tax thing works than I gave you credit for…..” – You never said that about any of the other subjects I’ve brought up but you haven’t addressed them either, so I’m assuming that you agree? You seem to be doing the “single out a point that I feel most comfortable about and rail on it” approach to this debate (which your not even doing that well with in this case at all).

    And, just for the record, are you naive enough to actually think that most cyclists don’t own cars? A lot of cyclists commute to work vie bicycles because they, in fact, don’t want to be stuck in traffic. And I don’t blame them! Depending on the situations, I’m sure that most cyclists would prefer to cycle to their destination but do have a car for back up.

    The point that you seem to still be missing is that cyclists are still paying for the roads that they use in their tax dollars that they pay. Even if they don’t own cars, they still pay for the roads. I didn’t feed your ego about being the all knowing all seeing tax master because you still seem to be a little lost about that whole concept. The fact that they pay taxes and almost all the roads they ride on are public means that they pay for them. And motorists should pay the majority of the “road fund” because if we live in a world were riding a bike was the only way to get around, the roads would be narrower (which means less expenses going to construction) and there would be less maintenance (it would take an extremely long time for cyclists to cause the same amount of damage to the roads as a car does). So, realistically speaking, the main cause for all the funding that is going to the roads is caused by motorists. You’re lucky that the cyclists pay what they do to maintain the roads we destroy. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t pay for the roads at all (which would never happen because taxes are lumped together into one sum for the most part anyway) but it should be SIGNIFICANTLY LESS than what motorists should pay. And it is. Just out of curiosity, do you think that the expenses for the roads should be split 50/50 with the cyclists? How much do you think they should pay?

    BTW, I referenced a red light in my post, not a stop sign and I don’t ever see a cyclists go through those ($436 ticket for the red light no matter who you are because it’s still dangerous whether you’re on a bicycle or in a car). But really, be serious. How many times have you seen someone stop for the 3 full seconds that they are suppose to at a stop sign, glance both ways, pull forward and stop again and then check traffic again and then merge into traffic (that’s the law for stop signs in CA. Maybe they are different in Minnesota…)? No, everyone seems to roll on through.

    It seems that you’re just grabbing at broken ideas to try and prove me wrong instead of just coming up with a legitimate argument or accepting the fact that you *gasp* are wrong. Not to sound rude or anything. I mean, by all means if you have a better argument than “cyclists don’t pay for the roads and therefore shouldn’t use them” please, present it. But so far, you haven’t really proven your case at all in my eyes. It sounds like you’re just looking for something to complain about.

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